Conflict avoidance is totally unhealthy | Leo & Susanna Bigger | ICF Zurich

2025/05/18 | Leo & Susanna Bigger

In this sermon Leo & Susanna Bigger remind you that conflict avoidance is unhealthy — avoidance only delays pain and damages intimacy. Using Song of Solomon 5:2–6 and John Gottman’s “four horsemen” (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling), they show how unresolved fights push people apart and how different conflict styles (avoider, explosive, passive‑aggressive, etc.) shape outcomes.

Practical takeaway: learn simple, concrete habits — traffic‑light breathing (red stop, yellow calm, green speak), 50‑minute listening turns, walking while discussing, and using “I” messages not texts. Replace criticism with empathy; pause instead of stonewalling; never use violence.

Reflection/action: choose one step today. Ask God for wisdom (Song of Songs’ longing for restored love) and practice a small change in your next disagreement so your relationship becomes a healing, not harmful, place.